Dame Detrimentia Considers a Case of Radicality

Dear Dame Detrimentia

I am so worried. I applied for a new passport but the Passport Office turned my application down saying that because my birth chart is not radical I was never born. My boyfriend and I have booked to fly to Tetrabiblos for our honeymoon next Thursday, but if I can’t get my passport he may go without me. Please tell me what to do?

Tearfully yours,
Kylie

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Dear Kylie

I am so glad that you enclosed your horoscope as I see immediately what the problem is and I blame your mother: it is all her fault alas! Due to her downright carelessness, none of the ‘Considerations before Judgment’ were complied with at your birth.

The planetary hour ruler at the time you were born is not only not the same planet as the planet that rules your ascendant, but neither I am afraid is it of the same triplicity or even of the same nature! What on earth was your mother thinking of going into labour without abiding by these very important strictures?

Why the midwife didn’t insist on your mother holding her breath and waiting for a more suitable planetary hour I just don’t know! Or at least insist she kept her legs crossed until the hour ruler was in an angular house or aspecting your ascendant ruler; because it is only by considering these Considerations that we can then be considered fit to be born!

The hour ruler when you drew your first breath was Mars. Mars is a masculine planet, which is most unfortunate because you appear to be a girl, and therefore Mars is not the natural ruler of the matter in question – you! Are you quite sure you are not a boy Kylie?

If so, then perhaps with Mars tenanting the 5th house, you may be a ‘good time girl’? Hopefully you are, and this may be a key factor in obtaining your passport. I have oft found that susceptible officials are receptive to bribes of a Fifth house nature, and this is a distinct possibility to bear in mind when presenting your case. A planetary hour situated in a house of key importance usually ensures a radical chart, even though it isn’t angular.

Failing this, as a last resort, you may be able to prove your identity by physical description. Do you look like you? If you do indeed resemble yourself, then all that would be necessary to obtain your passport would be to enclose a recent snapshot taken of you on your rising degree, together with the completed application form ( not forgetting to disclose any relevant scars, moles or blemishes), and a signed statement saying that you recognise yourself. Otherwise I fear your only hope of travelling to Tetrabiblos next week must be pinned on that suspiciously early degree rising on your Ascendant Kylie!

An early degree rising is normally a huge stumbling block when seeking radicality unless it matches the natives age. Luckily for you though, you were indeed very young when you were born, and consequently could be said to describe that rising first degree on the Ascendant perfectly!

And so despite your mother’s appallingly bad judgment in not consulting the Considerations before your nativity, I would suggest that you submit for the Passport Offices’ consideration that your extreme youth at birth matches your early rising degree, along with the corroborative evidence that your personal appearance does indeed greatly resemble your good self. In other words, you are indeed alive, and kicking, and to prove it you are here!

Tetrabiblos is lovely at this time of the year; I used to visit dear Claudius there regularly so give him my fondest regards.

Terminally yours,

Dame Detrimentia C.E.

(Caroline Allen)

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9 thoughts on “Dame Detrimentia Considers a Case of Radicality

  1. Hola Señorita,
    There is not so many radical peoples. Most them bourgeois and happy with themselves. Sheep, they no need chart. All look the same! Only few like me have super radical chart.
    xxx
    Raoul

  2. Dear Raoul

    Congratulations my dear! Perhaps you would like to share your super radical chart with our less fortunate bourgeois readers?

    Rectifingly yours,
    Dame Detrimentia

  3. Dear Dame,

    In order prevent such unfortunate mishaps in the future, let me highly recommend my own ,very essential , electional services. Every pregnant woman should consult me, before going into labour, for an optimal time and place to give birth. For only 500 Euro a head, I will make sure the newborn’s natal chart is both radical and with all essentially dignified planets placed in the most desired angles.

    Dr. Elexia Radix

  4. Dear Dr Radix

    Thank you most kindly dear Doctor.

    I see that you have taken over the gynaecological practise of that dear sage, magician and astrologer Nectanebus, whose exhortions to Queen Olympias to keep her legs crossed at the birth of Alexander the Great until the elected birth time resulted in Alexander’s magnificently strong and radical chart.

    Can you perform this service with a ‘converse’ rectification? If so, then I am sure we can come to some mutually beneficial fiscal arrangment regarding my long list of unradical clients.

    Expectantly yours,
    Dame Detrimentia C.E.

  5. Dear Dame,

    Thank you so much for your very considerate offer. Alas, the ancient, delicate and secret art of “converse rectification” can only be practiced during those highly troubled time periods when both Sun and Moon go Rx.

    Unfortunately, during these periods I go on vacation.

    Dr. Elexia Radix

  6. Dear Dr Radix,

    Where do you vacation dear Doctor? The sunny Solstices?

    Fortunately neither of the lights dare to Rx when I am about. The Sun does station in an attempt to reverse his motion twice a year; but after one stern look from me he continues directly on his way again. The Moon of course obediently following!

    I shall rethink on converse rectification. Perhaps you could suggest an alternative method of rectifying those natal charts already cast but unfortunately not considered radical?

    Superiorarily yours,
    Dame Detrimentia C.E.

  7. I’m inclined to agree with Raol. There are far too many radicals born every day. We need no astrological meddling by midwives. Non-radical birth charts help deplete the surplus population, no need to house, clothe or feed them. Many non-radicals born on a daily basis keep the radicals where they belong – atop the parapet within target range.

    ~ She whose Moon must be exalted.

  8. 10th House Moon Comment:
    “I’m inclined to agree with Raol. There are far too many radicals born every day. We need no astrological meddling by midwives. Non-radical birth charts help deplete the surplus population, no need to house, clothe or feed them. Many non-radicals born on a daily basis keep the radicals where they belong – atop the parapet within target range.
    ~ She whose Moon must be exalted”

    Quite so Tenth-House-Moon!

    Ahem. . . your Exalted Moon is not by any chance conjoined to Saturn and applying to Mars is she? 😉

    Dame Detrimentia C.E.
    (keeping well below the parapet)

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