Dr. Nostuabuk: Out of the Secret Annals of Astrology

On great insistence of that most delightful of Dames, Detrimentia, I have chosen to reveal one of the passages out of the Secret Annals of Astrology.

There are many entries in the Annals on cazimi, but here is one of the earliest, you might note that the idea of peregrine also enters the story:

Once upon a not so long ago, in the reign of the despotic king Kazaam the Terrible, there was an astrologer who was very unhappy about his position and who was not at all delighted to see one courtier after the other wander into the fires that were the king’s favorite form of entertainment. The astrologer knew, that he should not have accepted the position, even though the election horoscope for the position, erected by the venerable astrologer, Bo the Natty (Bo being the shortened form of Bonifacius and Natty of Nattifluccilaccimellifellicium) had his Significator exactly conjunct the Sun, which represented the king). After nervously considering the primary directions in his chart, which showed a close encounter with the fiery element, he decided to pre-empt a decree of the king that just might lead to being kissed by the flames. He mustered his courage and at the next audience spoke with the king:

Oh, Kazaam the Terrible, Keeper of the Flame, Master of all the World before You, please hear the Judgement of the Celestial Cohorts otherwise known as the Stars. The chart I show you, was cast by the inestimable Bo the Natty, master astrologer, one exceeding me in wisdom. It shows me in your very heart. If I am to enter the flames that so delight you, then I must go into them with your Munificence. This is known as Cazimi, which is an ancient name for Kazaam. Now if it please your Terrible Highness, this next chart shows my most humble future. Alas, all of the planets are peregrine, which means I must go on a long and dismal pilgrimage on your behalf, to maintain the favour of the Celestial Cohorts. The all-wise Bo must take my place. I shall of course write postcards from Hyposycamus, Sunsetchatopolis, Gryphonia, Altara, Apostelesmata, Scyscriptiona, and all the other sites of celestial wisdom. Bo will be delighted beyond his dreams to serve such Flamboyance as yourself.

Dr. Nostuabuk: A Tea Party

At least once a month Dame Detrimentia, Jean-Baptiste, and I have tea together. Here an excerpt of a more recent conversation.

J.B.: “Mon Dieu, you wouldn’t believe what is happening. I predicted that I was destined for greatness. But this? In those renegade colonies of yours, beg your pardon Madame, where the people are practically sauvage, there is a surge of interest in my Astrologia Gallica! What has become of the world? Helas. In my belovéd France there should be monuments to me in every city – they have had enough time – or at least a Place de Morin

Dame D: “Calm down, dear Jébée, you know how excitable you get, and at your age too. You haven’t been looking at your revolutions lately!”

J.B.: ” But, ma chéri, I told you that this adding machine, this, this vicious ordinateur, that Hieronymous gave me, makes me furious and your charms constantly distract me from calculating another set of Rudolphine Tables. What about my revolution?”

Dame D: “Jébée, if you would listen, you could have hired my Boffin ages ago. He is quite capable.”

J.B: “Paah, Boffins. You have Jean Baptiste Morin de Villefranche before you, royal mathematicien! Every time your Boffin looks at me, he has that smile, he is laughing at me because my ordinateur went retrograde.”

Dame D: “Now, Jébée, don’t be so sensitive. He isn’t laughing at you, he is smiling at the memory of all those programmes running in reverse. You must admit, it was quite funny.”

J.B.: “Ma chéri, you have convinced me. I will hire him. But tell me now, what have you discovered?”

Dame D: “Quite simply, Jupiter is conjunct your radical MC. And as he is Lord of your 9th house of foreign countries, what else would you expect?”

J.B.: “Ah, you are too good to me, ma chéri. Now if you recall my revolution of 1629 the MC was also in conjunction to the cluster of planets in my…”

Dr. Nostuabuk: Where are you Djarles?

Honoured Reader,
If you are sensible enough to find your way here, then you certainly do not belong to the three sub-species mentioned below! The reasoning is simple, what Dr. Nostuabuk writes, is so beneath them as to require no notice at all.


Djarles Djarwine, known to his friends as Djolly, once confided in me that he was on the verge of a discovering the “missing link”. He said that there was something which could only be approximatively called “celestial selection”. His thesis was that the “missing link” was a special form of humanity, homo astrologicus, who stands between microcosm and macrocosm. His premise being that both Natura and Urania subject their subjects to a rigorous process of selection where only the strongest survive. Whereas Natura rules over the realms of mineral, plant, animal and humankind; Urania has sway only over the most advanced of human beings – the astrologer. He alone is at the forefront of evolution. There are three subspecies; homo astrologicus traditionalis, homo astrologicus modernus and homo astrologicus hybridus. Each can be recognised by a particular cry:

  • homo astrologicus traditionalis: “I have discovered a most ancient master. He is all-wise.”
  • homo astrologicus modernus: “This works for me. I am all-wise.”
  • homo astrologicus hybridus: “I have discovered a most ancient master. It works for me. I am all-wise.”

When I told him that I thought the whole theory a bit simplistic. He responded, “You just wait and see. In the course of the years there will be plenty of this subspecies coming your way.” When I asked about all the others who weren’t the vanguard of mankind and still studied astrology? He replied, “Oh, those. My theory only includes the pompous. For only they would think that they are better than everyone else.”

Djarles where are you?

Dr. Nostuabuk: on the Three Sisters

Warning: If you read this you may lose a few planets. (the editor) You may not miss them. (the editor)

Who are the three sisters? You’ve guessed. Those planets that are commonly called Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. Now it is time for me to tell All. The names got confused. Their real names are Deino (dread), Porphredo (alarm), and Enyo (horror). They are the Graeae. All these years so many astrologers have been mislead.

Now the three sisters live in a cave which neither the light of the
Sun nor the Moon reaches. They share one eye and one tooth between them.

From a modern standpoint this describes their situation accurately. They are so far out in the solar system that the light of the Sun barely reaches them. The Moon’s light is likely not visible at all. From the traditional standpoint they are in a cave. They have no light and so are not visible. The one eye they share may be that glimmer (likely when Deino wears it) that some say can under certain conditions be observed by the naked eye.

Mephistopheles (in Faust II) says of them:

“Proud as I am, I must confess
I never saw such ugliness;
Worse than mandrake by gallows tree –
Will ever any sins arch-vile
Seem ugly in the slightest, while
This triple horror is on view?”

He says to them:

“But on the likes of you I never gazed.
I stand in silence, ravished and amazed.”

and later he takes on their likeness so that he can:

“… go and scare the devils down in hell.”*

Those who say that Deino rules astrology may want to reconsider. Do they really want astrology to be ruled by dread rather than reason?

Believe me, they have the most atrocious table manners, they drool all the time and all the antiscia are so frightened that they hide as best as they can. (this is one reason why antiscia are not found in modern charts.) Of course any sensible person doesn’t invite them to sit at their charts anyway. Uuggh! What slobber. Charts are so much cleaner without them.

Hieronymus Nostuabuk

*all Faust II quotes are from the Charles E. Passage translation of J.W. von Goethe’s, Faust.

Introducing: Dame Detrimentia, Counselor Egregious

Just recently I received the following letter:

Dear Dr. Nostuabuk,

A friend of a friend of my guardian great aunt suggested you might be
able to help me. You see, I am so distraught. All my friends make fun of
me because none of my planets have any essential dignity. They sort of
snicker whenever anyone mentions the “ess” word.
What am I to do?

yours in desperation,

Distraught in Monte Perdido

As this sort of question is of a more delicate nature I asked Dame Detrimentia, Counslor Egregious a very good friend of mine if she could give counsel on this matter; which she has, with the greatest condenscension, kindly agreed to. Its author has consented to having the answer published here as it may be of general public benefit.

Detrimentria and I first met in Constantinople during the reign of the Palaeologi in the 1300’s or thereabout. I can assure you that Detrimentia has the keenest of insight granted not only by life experience but also by natural talent… Ahem.

Here is what she recommends:

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure. Esse-appeal is all very well for cadent planets, but what a girl really needs is Fortitude. Get with-it; get Angular! Who wants to settle for the bare essentials when they could be swift in motion in Hayz? Or free from combustion in the Orient? What has Exaltation in the 12th got to offer that Joy in the 5th can’t beat? Start life afresh with a whole new chart dear Distraught and you too could be Cazimi! So flaunt your Accidental and stun and amaze those 11th house Lords. They will be snickering on the other side of their cusps with envy when they see you not only conjuncting Spica in the heart of the Sun but also being besieged by the benefics.


(Caroline Allen)