Dr. Nostuabuk: Gnudung Peeweep Rx

Gnudung Peeweep Rx or for the uninitiated Xr Peeweep Gnudung had the unfortunate distinction of being born with all of the planets in retrograde. How he managed that remains a great mystery. Although his chart was certified by “Charts-R-Us” I believe his astrologer must have been overcome by the scent of Gnu and misread his ephemeris — after all how can there be a retrograde Sun and Moon?

Sir Peeweep had his own unique interpretation of retrograde planets:

  • When ye Sonne goes Rx bee sure to wear stripes, that way the reversed rays won’t rearrange gnu in a way that mighte not please gnu.
  • When ye Moone goes Rx do not go into ye cellar as ye maye not finde your waye backe downe when she goes direct. Ye Moone has a verie shorte Rx, aboute 1 millionthe of a seconde.
  • When ye Mercurie goes Rx, speake slowlie so thate when he returnes ye can quicklie catch whate ye saide. Thene ye wil gnu whate ye saide.
  • When ye Venus goes Rx, make shure to telle ye beloved all ye sweete thinges (s)he doesn’t want to hear. Ye beste endearement to use is not “cupcake” but “gnudle”.
  • When ye Mars goes Rx, collecte any monies gnu, thate waye ye needn’t have any expenditures at this tyme.
  • When ye Jupiter goes Rx use ye gnudle ande buye stocks, especiallie those made of woode, thene when Jupiter goes direct ye can selle them with ay profite.
  • When ye Saturne goes Rx, it is beste to sleep under ye bed, thate waye no one can get youre gnuse.

And as Sir Peeweep gnu about the outers, I am including his aphorisms:

  • When ye Herschel goes Rx, turne offe any radar as thene it wille goe neither backwarde or forwarde, it wille alwayes give ye same reporte.
  • When ye Neptune goes Rx, doe not paye it ye least attention.
  • When ye Pluto goes Rx, trye no gnu recipes as they wille turne into dunge.

Out of the Gnustic Archives, Vol RXX

As with most lists of aphorisms you will have to put each of them in the correct context. So if Mars is the Lord of your second house his aphorism might just be right! 🙂

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Dr. Nostuabuk: The Sheep Liver Controversy

During my childhood in the bright and fragrant city of Sumer, the oracle priests of the different temples would regularly argue which was the most effective way to divide a sheep’s liver. This was usually shortly before the Full Moon sacrifice. Although the priests were dead serious it became a form of public entertainment. Along with the dust formed by the tumult of the struggling priests the sausage sellers cried out their wares and other hawkers made a good profit. There were bloody noses, pulled beards, ripped robes and any number of hefty insults delivered with cracking boxes to the ears. Over time people thought they were doing this in honour of the storm god. Usually the priests of No-Ital would begin by proclaiming that only the equal division of the liver was accurate and any other method was sacrilege. There would be an outcry from the priests of No-Itbetar accusing them of wilfully misreading the cuneiform codex “On the Liver” The wedges of the central glyph did not point to the top as argued by the No-Ital’s but to the left, as that is the normal way to write. Any other interpretation other than that of wholesome division being heresy. At this point the priests of No-Itbetarthanu would shriek that they were all idiots, it was obvious that the wedges of the central glyph pointed downwards and that the king of the mountains’ division was the best as could be clearly read in the codex by any rational person. Finally, no longer able to contain themselves the priests of No-everting shouted that they were all ignorant Elamite barbarians and that the right way was for the wedges of the central glyph to point right, making the Place system the only sensible method of dividing a sheep’s liver. One day a passing sage, Bel-Ami, I think it was, passed through Sumer just in time for the monthly fracas. He roared, “Silence!” You should have heard it. It was worthy of the Bull of En-Ki. There was instant silence. “What is this all about?” he asked. The priests told him. He demanded to see the codex and after carefully viewing it from all sides he asked the priests, “Haven’t you lot noticed that whichever way the tablet is turned it is legible? Ever wonder why this is so?” After that it was quiet in Sumer – for a pre-adolescant almost boring. The hawkers and sausage-sellers moved on to the village of Nineveh…

Dr. Nostuabuk: A Visit from Dr. Klughase

Dr. Klughase, the great researcher visited me last Mercury Ingress. He brought his latest volume containing the charts of all the kings of Sumer from Nebunoddy to Nebunotaboutto. In his forceful manner he proclaimed that he now had conclusive evidence that the wholesome house system combined with the Alcohabitus system delivers the most accurate results to date. The controversy about reversing the formulae for the Lots, selecting the correct nodal pairs and using relocation for solar returns is now resolved once and for all.

My research has shown it to be so, let everyone else use what works for them. (Dr. Klughase)

The wholesome houses originated in Sumer, they can be seen in clay tablets discovered by Dr. von Schlitzohr in the 1830’s while digging there (see tab. XVI.789.ice). There are only two houses. Enkidu and Gilgam. Any planet below the horizon is in the Enkidu house. Any planet above the horizon is in the Gilgam house. Planets are either in sect or not. All planets in Enkidu are in the same house and are conjunct one another. They are in opposition to any planet in Gilgam. The same is true for planets in Gilgam, they are in conjunction and in opposition to planets in Enkidu. Diurnal planets in Enkidu are debilitated, just as nocturnal planets in Gilgam. Diurnal planets in Gilgam and nocturnal in Enkidu are in dignity.

All 360 charts of the royal line of Sumer shows how exact the system is. They all, without exception, show the royal configuration of Sun in Gilgam in opposition to the Moon in Enkidu. No other system shows this. Yes Placidus fans, prepare to convert to wholesome houses!

The Lot controversy is solved as the simple mathematics of the system for the first time become clear. All planets in Enkidu are ‘-‘, all planets in Gilgam are ‘+’. So the following combinations are possible:

  • + and +
  • + and –
  • – and –

The first and last combination are + and so when added to the horizon, which always begins with 0 degrees of the Ascendant, are in Gilgam. Only the second combination which is a null, when added to the Ascendant, places the Lot in Enkidu.

The pristine character of solar returns now is revealed. Relocation is only allowed when the native moves from one hemisphere to the next. A simple rule whose overwhelming logic cannot be ignored.

As for which nodal pair to choose there is only one rule. The true-mean node is the best. Only when the pair falls exactly on the horizon must the mean-true node be chosen.

The addition of Alcohabitus houses is very potent, it adds a level of precision, to the millisecond when used in primary directions, that leaves the true researcher breathless. The Alcohabitus houses add the missing vertical axis – clever Arabian astrologers. The two sectional houses are known as al.mubbtouch (on the right) and al.hailitouch (on the left). So when a planet is Gilgam and al-mubbtouch, as in the chart of Nebbunoddy the XXiV, then the native is esteemed in the world, and if it is al.hailittouch and Enkidu, then his deeds will not be understood. (Nebunotaboutto CL’s chart).

Volume 20 of Dr. Klughase’s series is now available at selected astrology bookstores. Buy it and see for yourself what you have long searched for and missed.

Dr. Nostuabuk: Tremivorulate or 113 Degrees

Young John Kepler and I were discussing his new-fangled “Harmony of the Spheres” last Full Moon. I told him it was all very well to invent new aspects but didn’t he think that those even newer aspects that have only just become fashion, such as the quakecunx, were on shaky ground, especially when they were inconjunct? He told me to keep my boots on as he had so enjoyed naming his last batch of aspects: quintile (72°), bi-quintile (144°) and sesqui-quadrate (135°) that he had invented a whole new set that would steal the show away from any ridiculous quakequnx. These new aspects are based on prime numbers ending with 3:

queue-laterly (13°)
skewdetile (23°)
nonerly (43°)
lo-questitriumvate (53°)
pi-sesquiqualivate (83)°
pleasedonotsalivate (103)°
tremivorulate (113°)
empt-morphimarmite (163°)
quin-gonnaposition (173°)

They are all difficult aspects, beginning with the contortions needed by both tongue, larynx and lungs to pronounce them. Two planets that are in queue-laterly naturally are always in each others way and when another planet should aspect one of them by empt-morphimarmite then it is a really sticky situation. The only hope is to wait for a pleasenonotsalivate transit to clean the mess up.

Dr Nostuabuk: On Supremastrology

You have surely heard of the early 20th century art movement called suprematism, where a painting is reduced to the absolute essential? There is a far older branch of esoteric astrology known as supremastrology, that also has a similar approach. The chart is reduced to the absolute essentials.

Supremastrology, mind you, is for old souls and nothing to be messed around with. Fortunately there are a few who are advanced enough to practice this rarest form of astrology. The ability to emanate one’s own light is prerequisite for the title of “Astrologer Supreme” (Sup.A.). Young souls may add to their charts any number of planets, asteroids, and whatever other celestial flotsam they can find. There are plenty of other young souls who require what is beyond the essential. But there are ancient souls, such as myself and our revered Dame Detrimentia, who have reached the epitomy of essentiality, there are no planets left in our charts. Only the MC/IC and Asc/Desc. axis remain. This explains our superior knowledge and extreme longevity. That is why Dame Detrimentia can say that her solar return has moved to a point at infinity.

But, dear reader, there are signs that maybe you too are on your way to this supreme state. If, for example, you wake up in the morning and can’t remember your birthday, then that is a sure sign that your chart has begun emptying itself of its burden of planets. Then it is high time to visit a Supremastrologist, as only he or she is able to discover your true chart. (Thomas, is the Keeper of the addresses of this elite circle). Supremastrologist consultations are very expensive and very exclusive. But who isn’t willing to pay for knowing which planets have disappeared from their charts?

The sceptic might say, “But if you can’t remember your birthday then it isn’t possible to cast a chart!” But that is precisely why a supremastrology consultation is so expensive. Not to mention the horrendous cost of the nearly invisible ink, available only from the company Tailor’s Extraordinary™ (by appointment to his imperial majesty, the emperor), used to print out the charts.