Gnudung Peeweep Rx or for the uninitiated Xr Peeweep Gnudung had the unfortunate distinction of being born with all of the planets in retrograde. How he managed that remains a great mystery. Although his chart was certified by “Charts-R-Us” I believe his astrologer must have been overcome by the scent of Gnu and misread his ephemeris — after all how can there be a retrograde Sun and Moon?
Sir Peeweep had his own unique interpretation of retrograde planets:
- When ye Sonne goes Rx bee sure to wear stripes, that way the reversed rays won’t rearrange gnu in a way that mighte not please gnu.
- When ye Moone goes Rx do not go into ye cellar as ye maye not finde your waye backe downe when she goes direct. Ye Moone has a verie shorte Rx, aboute 1 millionthe of a seconde.
- When ye Mercurie goes Rx, speake slowlie so thate when he returnes ye can quicklie catch whate ye saide. Thene ye wil gnu whate ye saide.
- When ye Venus goes Rx, make shure to telle ye beloved all ye sweete thinges (s)he doesn’t want to hear. Ye beste endearement to use is not “cupcake” but “gnudle”.
- When ye Mars goes Rx, collecte any monies gnu, thate waye ye needn’t have any expenditures at this tyme.
- When ye Jupiter goes Rx use ye gnudle ande buye stocks, especiallie those made of woode, thene when Jupiter goes direct ye can selle them with ay profite.
- When ye Saturne goes Rx, it is beste to sleep under ye bed, thate waye no one can get youre gnuse.
And as Sir Peeweep gnu about the outers, I am including his aphorisms:
- When ye Herschel goes Rx, turne offe any radar as thene it wille goe neither backwarde or forwarde, it wille alwayes give ye same reporte.
- When ye Neptune goes Rx, doe not paye it ye least attention.
- When ye Pluto goes Rx, trye no gnu recipes as they wille turne into dunge.
Out of the Gnustic Archives, Vol RXX
As with most lists of aphorisms you will have to put each of them in the correct context. So if Mars is the Lord of your second house his aphorism might just be right! 🙂