Dear Dame Detrimentia
My boyfriend Terry is very excited! He knows all about astrology; he wants to take me away with him for the week-end to celebrate my birthday, but says that if he does, I will be forced to return my Solar. Will I get a refund? Will they give me a new one? Terry says that if I return it in Sod Im’n Gomorrah life will be much more fun next year, but I don’t speak the language and he is on a salt free diet. Why should I return my solar, and where should I return it to? I am very worried that if I return it without a receipt they won’t exchange it!
Anxiously,
Lottie
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Dear Lottie
How thrilling! You are having a solar revolution! Every year on your birthday your natal Sun returns to the same place it occupied in your birth chart which is why your boyfriend is so excited: he wants to prognosticate on your solar return!
Where you return your Sun too depends entirely upon where you got it from. Did you discover it in a sidereal degree in your birth chart or in a tropical degree? Because if it was in a tropical degree, you may find that depending on how old you are, the Sun will not be in the same place relative to the stars when it returns on your birthday but will have moved on a bit to its ‘true’ position owing to precession.
And yes of course you will get a Sun back! The Cosmos gives a cast-iron money back guarantee that each old solar returned will be exchanged for a brand new shiny Sun in your chart, complete with freshly minted Technicolor aspects and house placements! And what is more, if you sign up for the Cosmos Service Contract you will get a totally new Sun each and every year for life! How is that for a bargain?
Such a return of the Sun to its own place marks the start of a whole new cycle for you Lottie. It will supply both you and your horoscope with a fresh charge of energy, the nature of which depends to a great extent upon the aspects received by the Sun on the day for which the revolution is cast, and upon the mundane positions of both the Sun and your current profected ruler in the new figure. Your freshly constructed solar revolution chart is simply a summation of all the transits that fall due on your birthday which have a much more potent affect than those occurring at any other time of the year. No wonder you want to go away and celebrate!
But why does Terry want to travel to Sod Im’n’Gomorrah for your Solar Return? The natives are most inhospitable, it lies on an earthquake fault, the sea is dead and frankly my dear, the brimstone tastes foul! Personally I don’t think you should go away at all, but would urge you to cash your Solar in for a refund at either your natal birthplace or your current permanent location. The exchange rate is much better for a start!
So forget about Terry’s exotic ‘week-end-away revolution breaks’. They may appear to guarantee benefics on your angles and benevolent stars in other nooks and crannies but they are just the fallacious promises of newfangled relocation agents. Because unless you stay in Sodom ‘n’ Gomorrah all year long, those relocated angles, nooks and crannies won’t butter any parsnips when living a life back home in Essex!
Revolvingly yours,
Dame Detrimentia C.E.
(Caroline Allen)
Altair Astrology 
Dear Dame and Lottie,
What’s the whole fuss about? Would Terry insist on visiting exotic places each and every time his moody Moon returns ?
BTW, Lottie, darling, were you named after Lott, Abraham’s uncle, who managed to evade the Asteroid that hit and destroyed the beautiful city of Sod Im’n’Gomorrah ? Do you think he was saved because Abraham, a proficient biblical astrologer, had predicted the event beforehand, by checking Lott’s Solar return , using Asteroid astrology ?
Dr. Radix MCPD.
Dear Dr Radix
Terry is a Cancer and gets terrible pre-moonstral tension so I don’t think he would like to go on holiday then.
But he says to tell you that if Lott had swopped his solar on eBay instead of trying to return it in person he would have been more popular with his wife.
BTW dear Doctor, I was named after Abraham’s nephew Lot, not his Uncle Asteroid. 😉
Love from Lottie