Dear Dame Detrimentia
I am not sure who to turn to. It all started when I bought that rare manuscript ‘Apotelesmatics’ by Hepatitis of Thebes. I am a double Gemini. Now Ptolemy my manager says that double-bodied signs and most particularly Gemini’s should be aware that their Doryphory is divided into two halves, Dory and Phory, and that it is important to recognize which half is which. He also says that whatever I do it is imperative that my Dory is on the right side of the Sun. I am afraid to go outside as I think I have lost my Dory somewhere and only my Phory is left. Oh, please, please tell me what to do.
Eagerly awaiting your reply,
Normandie Spears (Sect Superstar mag.1)
Private security protection services such as Dustoria Dust-Ups, Doryphory P.S.S. or Spear Bearers R.US are so important for a Superstar of your fame, fortune, rank and sect appeal! Your manager Ptolemy is quite right, so try to ptolerate Ptolemy to collar you because otherwise, without attendant ‘muscle’ in the way of a security protection squad, a Superstar such as yourself is all too vulnerable to being pestered by the importunate degrees. What your manager Ptolemy suggests has nothing to do with your glorious double-binaried body; he means you must separate your heliacal risings from your acronychal settings. In other words, you must keep your Dorys dexter on the right of your natal Sun and your Phorys sinister on the left of your natal Moon. This is because in order to ensure fame, fortune and maximum exposure by the paparazzi your natal luminaries must be surrounded and protected by the Doryphory P.S.S.( private security services) at all times.
Dorys must also be separated from the Phorys. This gives round the clock 360 degree surveillance and keeps the sects apart; but I doubt you have lost your Dory as you fear dear Normandie, as I see from your text message that you are currently still in bed in the early hours of the morning, and therefore your troop of early-rising Dorys are probably even now forming an advance guard around the back entrance of your 12th house. Rising before the Sun as they do, your missing Dories are waiting to protect you as you make a dive out of your first house and into that fur-lined stretch limo on the ascendant at dawn. Don’t mislay them again though, because the full Dory P.S.S. must be in your natal Sun sign or the sign dexter to him in order to ensure maximum protection throughout the whole of your nativity.
As an added security measure, Antidoteus of Athens suggested to Ptolemy that ‘Spear Bearers R.US’ should also deploy undercover agents disguised as any planet that can hurl a ray or hooray into the Phory or Dory’s protective ranks. These should be kitted out with snipers’s uniforms and placed at Ptolemaic aspects around the zodiac armed with sharpened aspects primed and ready to hurl. Luckily Superstars are used to being beheld and hurled at from every aspect and angle, and so this should present no problem. The malefics will shield both your dorys and phorys by hurling squares and oppositions by aspectual rays, whilst simultaneously those nice benefics will hurl hoorays of good fortune by trines and sextiles. But in an attempt to comply with political correctness, Hepatitis of Thebes dictates both Dory and Phory ray hurlers may only hurl their rays and hoorays at planets of the same sect as themselves. This is called hooraysectuality. Well, they are like that in Thebes.
Regarding your Phory, any planet that rises after the Moon in the same sign or in the sign rising later, will be part of your Phory’s posterior protection squad. Night time is when a Sect Superstar is at her most vulnerable but these crack troops will follow your natal Moon’s every diurnal movement via built-in nocturnal vision. Keep the the Phory in tight formation and as close as possible behind your Moon dear Normandie, and also actively encourage any snipers strategically placed in Ptolemaic aspect to hurl their rays and hoorays into it. To have both benefics hurl their hoorays into a Sect Superstar’s Phory not only catapults you in fame, status, prestige and rank, but also guarantees a blaze of publicity and wall to wall TV coverage on your admission to Rehab. membership of which is so essential for retaining public support and sympathy.
So in conclusion, check out your 12th house cusp dear Normandie, and I am sure you will find your missing Dory security guards, who are even now waiting to escort you safely to your Limo. (Tell the chauffeur to keep away from Thebes though.)
I hope this helps?
Dame Detrimentia (C.E.)
Dear Dame Detrimentia…
What a caring soul you are! I truly hope Normandie Spears fully appreciates your words of wisdom.
Over the years, I too have had many worries about my Dorys and Phorys with no understanding friend like you to share my problem. Can you help me?
I am a poor, unknown housewife desperately wanting to be “somebody”and I know Doryphory PSS and Spear Bearers R-Us always surround the rich and famous. Can you buy them or is it like membership to the golf club – something you have to inherit?
Like Normandie – I eagerly await your reply.
Alas the hoi polloi cannot all be rich and famous celebrities such as myself who was wise enough to be born with a glorious nativity. We near-immortals are gifted by Karma. But with the right connections you could indeed escape your hum drum existence and enjoy a brief glimpse of life in the fast lane, albeit it if only temporarily.
It is possible, for a suitably oleaginous fee (paid to ‘Dame D. Enterprises’ please), for even a humble housewife such as yourself to change her computer settings so that your secondary progressions move along at such a pace that you too could reap the benefit of a full Doryphory for a few years, and thus definitely be in need of protection by way of the private security services Spear Bearers R-Us.
Be warned though, this is so highly priced that it makes you want to weep into your credit card slip, and all borrowed karma has to be paid for again at Karmageddon – which is a serious bummer.
Thank you so much for writing, I care so very much about my fans, and my invoice will be in the post.
Dame Detrimentia C.E.
Dear Dame Detrimentia,
What a wonderful script! I never learned so much about celebrity status in my life! Being a celebrity on the street where I live myself, your input is most welcome. I see by your post my best interest may lie in nocturnal activities and I should keep my diurnal activities to a minimum.
My phory PSS has a strange friendship as they guard my hind-quarters, they are always at odds as to how to do so.
One is very Saturnine while the other is Jupiterian and they are ALWAYS together arguing and fussing over my welfare. . . so busy among themselves in fact, that I’m sure I get overlooked at times. . .
Yours in loyalty,
My Dear Sir Arthyr
Having just inspected your splendid dorys and truly magnificent phorys I can see that you are undoubtedly a megastar and idol of the masses Sir Arthyr!
Your Taurean Grand Conjunction guards of Jupiter and Saturn in sextile to your natal Pisces Moon should be more than enough muscle to protect your celebrated personage. But if, as you complain, they are constantly jostling with each other in their efforts to guard your rear, then I suggest you also employ Spear Bearers R-Us to recruit Mars to keep them in line; he is in partile square to them both from Leo and can therefore happily hurl his rays into your Phory thus exhorting them to greater efforts.
What a chart of rank! What a chart of fame! You have all five planets in your Doryphory. I am extremely happy to welcome you to my exalted company dear Sir Arthyr. But get Mars onto the job!
Dame Detrimentia (Counselor Egregious)
Five planets in your Doryphory!!! Wow … Augustus Caesar had a full five planet doryphory – which brought astrologers of the day to their knees in adoration.
Well, I never passed a mirror I didn’t like! 🙂
Actusally,, I don’t knopw if I do have all five in place,
it would be nice to have such an item in my chart though.
Dear Sir Arthyr
I counted two planets in your Dory (Mercury and Venus ahead of the Sun) and three planets in your Phory (Jupiter and Saturn behind the Moon with Mars hurling his rays into them by square) but maybe Mars should be hurling his rays at the Moon instead? What say you Frypan? Who should hurl at what?
All this hurly-burly is most confusing for an elderly near-immortal such as myself. Alas, this combined with the fact that Mercury being within 33 degrees of the Sun, is nevertheless two signs away, could mean that I was a tad over-optimistic regarding the magnificence of your Doryphory Sir Arthyr! But although perhaps not quite as splendid as dear Augustus’s praetorian guard, your Doryphory P.S.S does remain however, a very impressive entourage.