Dear Dame Detrimentia
I am not sure who to turn to. It all started when I bought that rare manuscript ‘Apotelesmatics’ by Hepatitis of Thebes. I am a double Gemini. Now Ptolemy my manager says that double-bodied signs and most particularly Gemini’s should be aware that their Doryphory is divided into two halves, Dory and Phory, and that it is important to recognize which half is which. He also says that whatever I do it is imperative that my Dory is on the right side of the Sun. I am afraid to go outside as I think I have lost my Dory somewhere and only my Phory is left. Oh, please, please tell me what to do.
Eagerly awaiting your reply,
Normandie Spears (Sect Superstar mag.1)
Private security protection services such as Dustoria Dust-Ups, Doryphory P.S.S. or Spear Bearers R.US are so important for a Superstar of your fame, fortune, rank and sect appeal! Your manager Ptolemy is quite right, so try to ptolerate Ptolemy to collar you because otherwise, without attendant ‘muscle’ in the way of a security protection squad, a Superstar such as yourself is all too vulnerable to being pestered by the importunate degrees. What your manager Ptolemy suggests has nothing to do with your glorious double-binaried body; he means you must separate your heliacal risings from your acronychal settings. In other words, you must keep your Dorys dexter on the right of your natal Sun and your Phorys sinister on the left of your natal Moon. This is because in order to ensure fame, fortune and maximum exposure by the paparazzi your natal luminaries must be surrounded and protected by the Doryphory P.S.S.( private security services) at all times.
Dorys must also be separated from the Phorys. This gives round the clock 360 degree surveillance and keeps the sects apart; but I doubt you have lost your Dory as you fear dear Normandie, as I see from your text message that you are currently still in bed in the early hours of the morning, and therefore your troop of early-rising Dorys are probably even now forming an advance guard around the back entrance of your 12th house. Rising before the Sun as they do, your missing Dories are waiting to protect you as you make a dive out of your first house and into that fur-lined stretch limo on the ascendant at dawn. Don’t mislay them again though, because the full Dory P.S.S. must be in your natal Sun sign or the sign dexter to him in order to ensure maximum protection throughout the whole of your nativity.
As an added security measure, Antidoteus of Athens suggested to Ptolemy that ‘Spear Bearers R.US’ should also deploy undercover agents disguised as any planet that can hurl a ray or hooray into the Phory or Dory’s protective ranks. These should be kitted out with snipers’s uniforms and placed at Ptolemaic aspects around the zodiac armed with sharpened aspects primed and ready to hurl. Luckily Superstars are used to being beheld and hurled at from every aspect and angle, and so this should present no problem. The malefics will shield both your dorys and phorys by hurling squares and oppositions by aspectual rays, whilst simultaneously those nice benefics will hurl hoorays of good fortune by trines and sextiles. But in an attempt to comply with political correctness, Hepatitis of Thebes dictates both Dory and Phory ray hurlers may only hurl their rays and hoorays at planets of the same sect as themselves. This is called hooraysectuality. Well, they are like that in Thebes.
Regarding your Phory, any planet that rises after the Moon in the same sign or in the sign rising later, will be part of your Phory’s posterior protection squad. Night time is when a Sect Superstar is at her most vulnerable but these crack troops will follow your natal Moon’s every diurnal movement via built-in nocturnal vision. Keep the the Phory in tight formation and as close as possible behind your Moon dear Normandie, and also actively encourage any snipers strategically placed in Ptolemaic aspect to hurl their rays and hoorays into it. To have both benefics hurl their hoorays into a Sect Superstar’s Phory not only catapults you in fame, status, prestige and rank, but also guarantees a blaze of publicity and wall to wall TV coverage on your admission to Rehab. membership of which is so essential for retaining public support and sympathy.
So in conclusion, check out your 12th house cusp dear Normandie, and I am sure you will find your missing Dory security guards, who are even now waiting to escort you safely to your Limo. (Tell the chauffeur to keep away from Thebes though.)
I hope this helps?
Dame Detrimentia (C.E.)