Dear Dame Detrimentia,
I don’t know why, but recently every chart I look at has sixteen houses.
One of my neighbours is a herbalist. She said that I should eat cucumbers
and it will go away. Is this so? Or should I see an oculist instead?
Lois de Tour
Your neighbour is quite right Lois: if you are seeing sixteen houses on a chart instead of the normal twelve, you are obviously in need of a cucumber! Cucumbiture time is not measured by the normal 12 house chart but has an additional 4 hot-houses specifically relating to growing cucumbers in order to ascertain the correct time to gather, cut and administer these handy little medicinal slices. As your neighbour is a qualified herbalist then hopefully she will have a fresh supply of cucumbers in order to set her cucumbiture charts. You need a lot of cucumbers for a cucumbiture, and an awful lot more if you wish to cast the Lot of cucumbers, (some Arabic Parts tend to shrivel when exposed to the Sun). The first thing you must do when in urgent need of a cucumber however, is to go to bed. This is imperative. The Latin root ‘cucumbo’ means ‘to lie, or fall down’ and it is not for nothing that Dr Culpeper was covered in bruises. He was renowned for falling down the stairs and his afternoon tea-parties of wafer-thin cucumber sandwiches are still talked about to this day.
Cucumbers should be sliced very precisely when casting the Lot of Cucumbers which varies depending upon who is doing the slicing.
According to Bonatti take: The Ascendant + Mercury – Saturn
According to Al Biruni take: The Ascendant + Mercury – Jupiter
The former gives wafer thin slices suitable for sandwiches and the latter gives a more robust slice suitable for placing upon the eyes. This latter Lot is most probably the best treatment for you Lois.
I definitely would not recommend consulting an Occultist at this precise moment. Transiting Mars currently in the 25th degree of Gemini is opposing the particularly nasty fixed star Aculeus in the sting of Scorpio. This horrible little star is of the nature of Mars and the Moon and causes blindness when agitated by an Occultation. It appears to be the only fixed star in the heavens that is as effective by opposition as it is by conjunction and so it would be best to stay away from any Occultists at this particular moment in time. Instead I would prescribe two thick slices of cucumber cut according to Al Biruni’s recipe and placed upon the eyes whilst lying in a darkened room. This dose should be administered three times daily for a period of 8 hours at a time – or until the supply of cucumbers dries up.
I hope this helps? If not, then may I recommend that you consult Dr. Hieronymous Nostuabuk who knows everything there is to know, and more, about cucumbers.
Dame Detrimentia C.E.
(Just off to buy up all the cucumber stock she can lay her hands on).