Dear Dame Detrimentia,
I was fooling around with my new traditional astrology computer
programme. It threw a whole set of firdaria at me. Now they are all over
the house, and slippery as they are I haven’t caught a single one yet.
Is there any way I can lure them back into my chart before they ruin the
Firdaria are wild little creatures and have never been house trained and so it is imperative you catch them all quickly before they stain the carpets! Which breed do you have? The fluffy white Persian Firdar? The designer clad Italian Al Fridaria? Or the English Alfridaries clad in raincoats carrying an umbrella and a handkerchief? The latter are very slippery indeed I am afraid due to their cold and damp slimy phlegmatic natures.
Abu Mashar discovered the Firdar years ago whilst they were performing a system of mundane cycles for the long term prediction of historical events, but it was dear Alcabitius who tamed them into the user-friendly little creatures they are today and trained them for predictive use in individual natal charts. But don’t worry because whichever breed you have lost, they are simple little creatures totally addicted to football, and all that is necessary to recapture them is to place a leather soccer ball and several pints of lager into your computer and they will all come romping happily home.
What you must avoid at all costs however is the mistake poor Johannes Schoener made, when once having returned them to the computer, he returned them to their periods in the wrong order! Alcabitius was very firm on the Firdaria following the Chaldean order each according to its pedigree breed planet with the Nodes interspersed after Mars. This is: the Sun, Venus, Mercury, the Moon, Saturn, Jupiter Mars, NN, SN by day, and the Moon, Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, NN, SN, the Sun, Venus, Mercury by night. But owing to an unfortunate mistranslation, dear Johannes piled his Firdaria back into his computer higgle-di-piggledy which resulted in the Nodes being placed after Mercury in nocturnal births when in actual fact, they should always be placed after Mars irrespective of sex or sect.
Once you have recaptured them, make sure you divide each Firdaria into 7 subperiods, very similar to the Jyotisa Dhasas and Bhuktis, but on no account infuse them with any of the Dhasas or Bhuktis spicy and aromatic Indian curried flavours. There is no stain so difficult to eradicate from a carpet as that of a Tandoori Firdaria Masala, and so any further escape bids would unfortunately incur the purchase of new carpets!
I hope this helps?
Dame Detrimentia (C.E.)